Me and my kiddo had gone to Daytona to her grandparents so she could spend time with them and I could meet up with some friends. It was 4th of July and I was so excited about getting out of Mississippi. I started drinking as soon as I got out the car it seemed like. There's not a lot I remember about that weekend, but the things I do replayed in my head for the longest time. How did I ever allow it to go this far? One of my closest guy friends and I were hanging out joking around as always! There was never a dull moment with us! We were always acting silly and laughing at everything. Still to this day I don't know exactly what was said or if I heard it the wrong way, We both were drinking and I was at such a deep depression at this point but regardless it definitely didn't deserve the treatment I gave him.
Whatever was said, I didn't get upset until the next day. We got up and met some more of our friends at the beach, drank all day AGAIN. I mean we were having a BLAST. At some point I blacked out, probably because we started drinking early that morning! I don't even remember getting back to the house. When I came to, all I could smell was ammonia. I opened my eyes to flashing lights and an EMT over me with an ammonia stick to my nose. I was drenched in blood. Apparently I got mad at my friend for something he said the night before and started trying to whoop his butt. Now he's a great deal bigger than me and I'm not sure if I would ever be able to take him (even now doing all of my BEACHBODY workouts haha) But I was instantly bullet proof when I was drinking. He got fed up with me hitting him and out of instinct he swung and I hit the pavement. I don't even know how many police, firetrucks, and ambulances were there, but it was quite an embarrassing. I refused to go the hospital for fear of them throwing me in rehab or jail. I thought my nose was broken and still to this day I have a knot on my head from hitting the pavement so hard. The next morning after this incident, I woke up to Child Protective Services wanting to interview me. I was so confused! That's the last thing I expected, I just wanted to lay in bed...I was in some serious pain. Because we were in the state of FL and because my kiddo was in the house where I was staying ( she didn't see this happen thank the GOOD LORD ABOVE) they had to come check the situation out.
I was so completely ashamed of myself. I allowed ALCOHOL to control me that much where the state HAD to take action, and not even the state I resided in at the time. Thankfully that was the first and last interview. I did eventually go to the hospital and get checked out. Severely bruised up and a concussion luckily were the only damages done. That was only one of many HORRIBLE experiences I've encountered during my marriage to ALCOHOL. Back in MS I healed BUT it was so hard to look my daughter in the eyes for a while because of the shame I'd felt. I know I let her down that weekend. I can't imagine how she must have felt after seeing her mom that way. After a couple years of not speaking to someone I had grown so close to, I decided to reach out and make amends! Life is way too short to hold grudges or live in addiction. I've made some serious amends this year to people, ESPECIALLY my daughter and my family. I have asked forgiveness from the heavenly FATHER above and forgiven myself, I wake up striving to be a better version of me than I was yesterday! You aren't PROMISED TOMORROW so step out of your comfort zone and make a change today. Life is so much sweeter on the HAPPY side of the bridge!
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